Part II: Reconciliation

It was a beautiful Autumn day. I had tramped far through the bush and was on my way home, but the sun was still high, the day warm and it was time for a break. I crossed over a small bridge and came to a grassy clearing. To one side was a large rock and I saw signs that not long ago someone had boiled a billy there. I sat down with my back to the rock.

It was a long time since I had been out in the bush. I had worked solidly for months and was feeling rather flat and stale. If my body was tired through being somewhat out of condition, my mind was no less weary. Work that had once been easy had become increasingly demanding. However, the tramp through the bush was working wonders and I could feel myself unwinding. I was away from it all, alone with Nature and very aware of her soothing caress.

Yet I still felt unduly tired and thought wryly that I was, indeed, out of condition. At the same time there was an unusual feeling of apprehension which I attributed to a reaction from the daily application to a task for which I had little aptitude and less inclination to undertake. Nevertheless, it was something which had to be done and duty is a hard taskmaster. The break should have been doing me good for I always enjoy the bush, but still all was not well. It was strange, I knew that for some reason I had to be in this place yet could not understand why the apprehension increased.

The running waters were restful and the beauties of the bush which rose high on all sides held my attention, while I was aware of a chorus of birdsong and tried to identify the songsters. Before me was a low shrub, to the right of this a small loquat tree and to the left, a rather higher shrub. Soon I would have to continue on my way, but meanwhile it was pleasant. I was beginning to feel all the stresses and strains draining away. I wanted to remain; my body, however, felt unusually heavy.

I felt a sudden, sharp pain in the lower centre of my chest, something I had not experienced before. It was like being pierced with a knife. Then I began to feel an ache, a cramp without the tautening of the muscles, in my left arm. There was also a dull heavy pain in my left foot and I tried to move my leg but found it almost impossible; it seemed to be weighted down. I felt a tight constriction in the chest, as though someone were twisting a belt around it and I was very conscious of the painful beating of my heart. Although the sun was still shining and the sky clear, yet a cloud seemed to be passing over the glade. The birdsong sounded very faint and far away. The pain in my chest intensified and breathing became difficult. I found myself gasping. I was falling over on my side and straining to catch my breath. The pain continued to increase until it was almost unendurable and I could feel the perspiration on my face, yet I was cold.

Then I saw something, a kind of shimmer either in or just before the bush to my left, on the other side of the pathway. It was not easy to describe, perhaps to say it resembled the shimmering heat haze one sees in desert places would be the closest I can get to a proper description. I watched fascinated, for slowly, in the midst of the shimmering, something like a figure seemed to be forming, yet it was quite indistinct and the shimmering appeared to be taking on a kind of golden glow.

The pain was receding, lessening and turning into a dull ache. My breathing was becoming easier and shallower and I began to experience a warn, rather comforting feeling. It seemed to be getting darker and as the clearing and all about me became obscure, so did the glow to my left intensify. It was now assuming a sharpness of outline and taking on an ovoid form, swaying like a candle flame. I realized that something, someone, was trying to manifest. The thought came into my mind, but my thought processes were not working normally. I seemed somehow detached. Yet I was intrigued by the phenomenon though I had experienced apparitions before. It was not something beyond my experience and understanding, for I had spent the greater part of my life working my way up through the various degrees of the Arcane Arts. I was probably better placed than most to deal with the situation, yet I still felt apprehensive.

Time seemed to stand still. The ovoid glow remained, slightly swaying and fluctuating, radiating and vibrating and I noticed that clouds of pale colors, blue and yellow pre- dominating, seemed to flow through the gold. Any fear I may have had was overridden by a sense of curiosity and I recall having a slight feeling of regret that nothing more seemed to be happening. I believe I even felt impatient, something further was supposed to happen, but it did not. I knew the prescribed procedure to adopt and the mechanics of the phenomenon. I had to banish all apprehensions, relax completely, maintain a normal steady rate of breathing, clear my mental screens and ‘attune’. Yet I did not seem to be ‘in control’ and this brought a momentary feeling of annoyance. I knew I should be co-operating, that certain things had to be done, yet I was incapable of doing them. I appeared to be in some way ‘frozen’.

How long this lasted I do not know, I just recall it without any awareness of duration. I have no recollection of pain at this point, but rather of comforting warmth dominated by curiosity and frustration. I recall clearly the near darkness of the place and the contrasting golden glow of the manifestation. I recall, also, the feeling of unreality about it all which is quite normal in such circumstances. Everything in the objective world seemed to stand still, it was almost as though the whole of creation held its breath, listening and waiting.

Then I experienced a kind of jolt, not unlike an electric shock. Everything went completely black and I felt as though I was ‘pulled away’ from my body. I then realized I had, in fact, projected, an experience not unknown to me and I felt more familiar with the situation. I was slightly to one side of my physical body and, looking at it, I experienced something of a shock. It was not as I had seen it on previous occasions. It looked, as I can best describe it, ‘crumpled’. It had slumped down and was darkish blue in the face – the color of a bruise. The right hand was clutched under the left armpit while the left was clenched and out-flung. It is not something I care to dwell upon.

The clearing was now sunlit again and the glow was gone, but standing in front of the bush was a ‘Being’. How am I going to adequately describe him? He was not in any way ‘ethereal’, appearing just as substantial as myself. He was above average height, blue-eyed with fair, but not blond, hair. His features can be described as noble rather than soft, and sternly handsome. He was attired in a tunic and trousers made of some kind of steel-grey material and over his whole being was a kind of vibratory shimmer indicating that he belonged to a much higher dimension. I noted that a clasp on his tunic radiated less than his hands or face. He sat down and motioned me to sit before him. I recall that while both he and I appeared to be substantial, the whole of the surroundings looked shimmeringly ethereal. I knew that the Being and I were real. The rest was not.

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