We all know that some people have a good personality while others have not, so we might well ask what constitutes a good or bad personality.  The answer seems to be obvious enough, a good personality is one that attracts and a bad personality one that repels.  When a person’s frequencies react harmoniously with the frequencies of others, that person can be said to have a good personality.  A discordant reaction denotes a defective personality.  However, no matter how good an individual’s personality may be there will always be some people whom this person will irritate.  Likewise, even the worst personality will resonate compatibility with someone.

Personality does not depend upon what a person does, it goes deeper than that and is something almost indefinable.  We do know that those who have a good personality display certain attributes in common, while those who do not, also have common traits.  One thing that has been discovered is that those who have a good relationship either with some selected few or with all their fellow beings, are people who have really worked at it.  All have expended considerable effort in seeking to achieve the desired result.

Consequently those who are self-satisfied, who declare that the world must accept them as they are, who are not prepared to make adjustments to alter themselves or their lifestyle, always appear to have defective relationships.  As long as they maintain this attitude people will not accept them at all, at least not the people with whom they could find happiness.  So evident and substantiated is this principle that we might almost call it a law.

Since it is obvious that faulty relationships are the cause of disharmony in the world, it would seem equally obvious that by making adjustments the situation could be considerably improved.  The difficulty is that everyone wants to change everyone else and only rarely has the insight to realize that the place to start is with himself or herself.  An occasional bad relationship can be attributed to a number of causes, but where a person’s life is a continual string of bad relationships, then there can be only one cause – his or her personality – and only one cure – to alter this personality.

While all will immediately agree that there are things about themselves that they would like to change, almost inevitably these will not be the things that really need changing if they are to enjoy good relationships.  Some may simply state that it is not possible to change themselves, even though they do not like themselves as they are.  This is wrong because if there is sufficient desire the results will be brought about, through dedication and effort.  Many see only the superficialities as being in need of a change whereas what is required is an inner change.  The clothes one wears or the way one deports oneself may be significant, but they do not make up the personality, they simply reflect it.

It is said that if you want to have a good friend you must be one, and this is true.  The first thing to do, to attract others, is to make yourself attractive.  We do not mean superficially attractive, that may gain attention but not a firm relationship.  What has to be striven for is an attractive personality.  Here the question may be asked, how is this to be brought about?  The answer is, become less self-centered, in other words, expand your perimeter of concern to embrace others, it is as simple as that.  Note that someone with a good personality is also a good listener, he or she will want to know more about you and will be less eager to talk about himself or herself.

The favourable opinions we may have of those whom we call extroverts, who are the life of the party and whom everyone seems to like, are not always justified and improved upon closer acquaintance and rarely do these people have satisfactory intimate relationships.  Among the many likable people with whom most of us would feel friendly and easy, a large percentage will be found to be incapable of maintaining truly harmonious relationships.  Obviously something more than merely setting out to be nice to people is required.  This something is sincerity.

On casual acquaintance, most superficially nice and friendly people may be thought to have a good personality, but upon closer association some defects may become apparent, we may realize that their only concern is themselves.  These people cannot be said to have a good personality in the sense that we mean here.  They lack the essential ingredient of sincerity found in those who have concern for others.

Self-concern and insincerity are hallmarks of those whose relationships with others leave much to be desired and are at the basis of the trouble, but an adjustment is not as easy to accomplish as may be thought.  For instance, a person may recognize these factors in himself or herself and try to become more interested in the affairs of others, but no matter how much they try to push their own self-concern into the background, they still fall down on relationships.  The reason for this is that the change is only superficial and although it may be such as to impress others, it has not affected a change in the frequency rate, the aura remains very much the same.  Only a fundamental change can produce the desired result and this comes about through sincerity.

Of course a problem arises here, for we are all inherently selfish, Nature having endowed us with the instinct of self-preservation, the strongest instinct of all, and this cannot be entirely divorced from self-concern.  Therefore it is a matter of equating our own self-interest with concern for others, this can be done with sincerity and is, by those who have a good relationship with others.  So we will not consider the natural instinct of self-preservation to be an insurmountable obstacle.  Instead we will turn it into the vehicle that will take us along the road leading to a greatly enhanced life, to happiness and content.  No matter how good our present life may be, if we can improve our relationships with others our horizons will be expanded and our life made more enjoyable.

One thing to be avoided and which is a trap for the unwary, is trying so hard to please that others will either exploit or secretly deride us.  We must maintain the right perspective; being overly friendly is not the best way to gain friends.  It is not what is said and done in easy, friendly social situations, the pleasant shared occasions, that matter, these are merely froth and bubble; what matters is the extent to which one inconveniences oneself to show concern for others.  The test comes when one is required to give instead of receiving.

The following quote from ‘The Book of Gwineva’ may be of interest here:

“On a cold winter’s day a number of hedgehogs tried to huddle together to keep warm, but because of their spines they were unable to close the distance between them and, moving apart, they were cold.  Eventually, after a lot of strife, with some getting badly pricked while others were freezing with cold, they discovered a distance and pattern whereby they cold derive some warmth from the others without being inconvenienced by the spines.  This distance was, henceforth, called decency and good manners.”

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