It has been noted in many instances that two people have lived together in a de facto relationship for many years, then they marry and within a matter of months what had previously been a happy relationship has gone sour.

Category: Relationships

Our generation is not the first to note this phenomenon. The formulators of our cultural moral code also noticed this. The reason is that prior to marriage there had been only a partial or qualified commitment; the parties, or one of them, did not feel fully committed to the other, and love, too, had qualifications and reservations. Consequently, when the marriage commitment is made it is more of a formality than a fact, the qualifications and reservations remain in the subconscious and, being suppressed, manifest in irritations and disagreements. The love that was fragile and uncommitted fails to withstand the strains of commitment and becomes burdensome, with the inevitable result. Statistics overwhelmingly show that ‘trialmarriages’ are rarely successful. At the best what ensues from them in the way of marriage is no more than a reflection of what could have been. Of course, as always there are exceptions and some happy de facto relationships have remained harmonious following marriage commitment.


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